midlands memories
why vegetarians
CAN EAT
chicken
Words Karen Edwards
Most people become vegetarian for two main reasons:their heath and for the love of all God’s creatures. I was 18 years old when I decided to stop eating meat; being a big animal lover it seemed likea good way to go and
the health thing was just a bonus. I remained a vegetarian for nearly 24 years, feeling that surely my lack of eating meat might have saved hundreds of poor innocent animals.
This way of thinking was all good and well as I had always lived in the city where the only contact I ever had with meat was as I passed the deli section in a supermarket – and then it was always wrapped up in plastic,void of any animal personality.
Then about five years ago I decided to move to the countryside and ended up living on a farm in the Kamberg, complete with all the adorable farm animals, and felt even more justified in my veggie ways.
One day my son went out farming and came home with pockets full of day-old male chickens, so I dutifully made a little home for them and watched the critters grow at an amazing rate.We also organised a few lady chicks and, before we
knew it, had a small population of chickens living in the garden. And our lives had become a living nightmare.
The chickens hated their home so they decided to take up squatting rights on the front patio, where they guarded their territory with military skills,and we were forever being ambushed by a huge male cock who had the most unreal
matrix kick-boxing move, backed by the others all clucking poultry obscenities. The noise was something else. I was always led to believe that chickens only crowed at sunrise, but actually they start at around three in the morning
and continue every 15 minutes until dawn. They will crow at anything for any reason and they are cleverlittle buggers as they always seem to be able find a special spot where the acoustics are particularly fantastic and the crowing
sound really gets to reverberate through and around the house, leaving your ears ringing for hours.
And bigger they got, the more intimidating they got and the bigger their territory got. We resigned ourselves to the fact that the chickens had now completely taken over the entire front of the house while we were left sneaking in and out the through the back door. The dogs were losing weight rapidly as the chickens scared them off and stole their food.
People refused to visit for fear of being attacked – it was like having a group of Columbian drug lords living on your doorstep.
I had always wondered where the term “henpecked” came from, and now I had first-hand experience; if a hen gets sick or has any kind of deformity the other chickens will peck it to death... and I mean death.
Then after about a year of ongoing chicken drama, I arrived home one day to find a chicken on the sofa. It looked so peaceful lying there on its back with its legs in the air. I thought, my Lord, it’s dead! I walked up and leant right over it, trying to figure out how you can tell if a chicken is still breathing, when it woke up. And it screamed. And I screamed. And then there was just chaos, feathers, panic and drama everywhere.
It was then that I lost my cool. I ordered my partner to fix the bird problem. He did, and a few days later he produced the chicken for dinner. Now normally I would have had a fit: oh, the poor little chicken. But before I could chicken out,
I stuffed it, roasted it, and I ate meat for the first time in 24 years – and felt absolutely nothing. So to all you vegetarian animal lovers who truly feel for the fluffy and cute little creatures of the world, understand that chickens are not cute, cuddly or sweet in anyway. They are vicious, evil and just plain nasty animals,and as far as this vegetarian’s
experience of fowls goes, chickens were made to be eaten with gusto, no guilt and veggies on the side.
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